Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
