i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
