You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss