her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there is glitter all over my balls
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