there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
