i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
how drunk are you?