508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.