forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
