You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
