There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
