During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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