I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
