I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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