I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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