i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize