Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
