I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
