We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
