I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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