we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
