There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
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