I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize