The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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