She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
