Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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