i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't put those talents on a resume
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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