none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
