we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
