Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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