You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she pinky promised me she was 18
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
