So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
