just come out here and I will go home with you...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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