Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
