I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
