why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
