She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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