Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
