I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was born a porn star she said
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
