alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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