So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
