Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
