trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
