I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
