I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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