she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
