I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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