Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you would pick up someone in the library
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
