I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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