My room smells like vodka and shame
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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