in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
