Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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