i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
