He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
