i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
