Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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