So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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