my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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