Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
