Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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