how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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