Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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