It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize