The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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