You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize