So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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